FESTIVAL: Download Festival - 12th, 13th, 14th June

It's that time of year again. Headbanging until your neck breaks, running around in circles like a complete loon, and throwing yourself into each other violently. Oh, and there's music too. This year's stellar line-up sees bands you thought you'd never see live (Limp Bizkit, Faith No More, Journey), to bands so ridiculous it's actually fantastic (Limp Bizkit, Faith No More, Journey. Ahem). So let the incredible weekend that is Download at Donington begin! Or rather, let me talk about it fervently. As before, ratings for bands are in Gs (G for Gary, geddit?? Ks can kiss my arse). It goes like this: G = Terrible, GG = Pretty poor, GGG = Enjoyable, GGGG = Very good, GGGGG = Incredible.

Friday, 12th June
The first band to kick things off on the Friday are Hollywood Undead (GG) on the main stage. Whilst their faux rapping does not impress, the way they get the crowd going does; how can everyone bopping their heads rap-stylee at a mainly metal festival not be enjoyable? Thankfully The Blackout (GGGG) kick it into rock mode. Sean Smith's performance is slightly compromised by being absolutely knackered by the looks of it, but that's soon overcome with their raucous Korn/Bizkit/Faith No More medley. Over on the second stage, A Day To Remember (GG) are alright enough, but do little to make me want to listen to them for more than two seconds. Sorry. Parkway Drive (GGG½) on the other hand are ridiculously tight for their type of music - deathcore? - as other bands with a similar sound usually fall into a mess live. Not true for these Aussies thankfully, but Dir En Grey (G½) truly aren't anything to write home about. Japanese shock-metallers, their hideous songs purely makes me want to rip my eardrums out and stamp on them repeatedly. Fucking awful. Whilst the songs aren't exactly revelatory, the way that Killswitch Engage (GGGG) handle the stage is blinding. Not only possessing a fantastic sound, their onstage banter is almost more entertaining than the music. At least if KSE go under in the music business, there'll be a job waiting for them in stand-up. The band that follows them are legends, for good and bad reasons. But today, the good definitely overshadows the bad. Limp Bizkit (GGGGG) blow me away with tightly performed hits like 'Break Stuff' and 'My Generation', amongst other fan favourites such as 'Nookie'. Wes Borland is a crazy motherfucker; the way he is dressed today is the same way my worst nightmare is dressed. Fred Durst sports his classic red cap, and raps in the classic Fred Durst way. The highlight would be 'Rollin' ' and closer 'Take A Look Around', but that award goes to Limp Bizkit actually being, surprisingly, fucking awesome. Korn (GGGG½), the nu-metal pioneers, put on another astonishing performance. Yet again the tightest band of the weekend, 'Freak On A Leash' and 'Here To Stay' invoke mass hysteria, but delve too far into the less well-known material, thus sacrificing the momentum a truly great festival performance needs. A brilliant rearrangement of 'Falling Away From Me' does stand out, however. It's up to Faith No More (GGGG½) to live up to the stupid hype the Download organisers have bestowed upon this headlining performance, and they surely live up to it. They arrive onstage as a past-it jazz lounge band, complete with Mike Patton leaning on a cane. Things, of course, erupt then on in, Patton's majestically trained vocals searing over the rest of the band's equally intense output. 'Easy', 'From Out Of Nowhere' and 'Epic' are heard in all their ludicrous glory, and while grey hairs tell the truth, Faith No More perform with all the slickness of youth. It's a shame, then, that pretty much none of the crowd know their fucking songs.

Saturday, 13th June
Ah, the main day of the festival. Devildriver's (GGG) Guinness-smashing circle pits are a ferocious way to start up the day on the main stage, followed up with Fightstar (GG½) on the second stage. They lack many great songs, 'Deathcar' and 'Pahlanuik's Laughter' being the exception, but put just enough energy into the actual performance to save it from being rather pedestrian. Down (G½) do not bring the goods unfortunately. Oh Pantera, how we miss you. Dragonforce (GGG½) lighten the mood, cutting the crap by launching straight into 'Valley Of The Damned', and closing proceedings equally astonishingly with Guitar Hero wankfest 'Through The Fire And The Flames'. Next, Pendulum (GGGG½) put on yet another stunning festival performance. Of course, it's naturally not going to be as off-kilter as their Download debut last year, but a rearranged setlist and segues more than make up for anything that may be a little unrevolutionary about today's show. Plus, 'Propane Nightmares' will always get any crowd moving. For a dance-rock mashup act winning over a metalfest, you'd have thought the God of Fuck himself could have mustered up a reaction. Not so. Marilyn Manson (G), please, just stop. The lamer-than-lame setlist choices are bad enough ('Disposable Teens' and 'Beautiful People' are the only big songs we hear today), but when you have to stop after every song to get a fill from an oxygen tank, you know it's time to fucking quit. You staggered off during the last song. You have nothing left to give to the world in your current state. Go home. After such a massive letdown, we have the best band of the three days to the rescue: Slipknot (GGGGG). Their live show has always been highly praised, and tonight, their long-awaited headline slot sums it all up. A purely riotous blast of '(Sic)', 'Eyeless', 'Wait and Bleed', 'Get This' and 'Before I Forget' tears Donington a new one, while 'Vermilion' 's schizophrenic refrains cement the fact that this is a band at the top of their game. Even the slightly duff 'Dead Memories' sounds gigantic, and is sung back at the nine-piece at the top of their lungs. Things really kick off though, during 'Duality', 'People=Shit' and 'Surfacing', topped off with probably the biggest 'sit the fuck down / jump da fuck up' Slipknot have ever had with 'Spit It Out'. And on that note, the performance to remember is over.

Sunday, 14th June
The final day is already here. Wipe those tears away though, for another day of music lies ahead. Sacred Mother Tongue (GGG½) rock the hell out of the second stage with their tremendous sound, the icing on the cake though is the bassist running off the stage and into the moshpit whist playing the song perfectly. Wow, that was impressive. Trigger The Bloodshed (GG½) do well putting effort into their set, but their muddy mix ruins what they have to offer. Suicide Silence (GGG½) are the band of the moment, and everyone here is excited to see them. Their huge-ass breakdowns are more than enough for me to enjoy greatly. Very different are classic rock - yet heavy - Black Stone Cherry (GGGG), who I don't want to give so many Gs to because they're basically a bunch of rednecks. But very, very good rednecks. Journey (GGGG) put on an alleviating performance from all the insert-tag-herecore, complete with the statutory 'Don't Stop Believin' '. Too fucking right. Dream Theater (GG), unfortunately, alienate everybody: due to the unbelievable length of their music, they play about three tracks then fuck off, the last just being a jam session. Surely incredible at their own gigs, and very enjoyable studio-wise, a festival appearance just isn't right. ZZ Top (GG) are just boring. And beardy. Very, very beardy. Cousin It has taken to the stage. I catch Sabbat (GG) who should die out, then afterwards new retro-rock sensation Steel Panther (GGGG) who are the natural successors to Spinal Tap. Hilarious stuff, but when the crowd are this excited about a new band who is drawing from the past, it makes you worry a little bit. Whitesnake (GG): ah even more classic cock rock! Brilliant. I fuck off over to the second stage for Papa Roach (GGG½), who are gladly on energetic form, throwing out the hits like 'Between Angels And Insects', 'Getting Away With Murder' and 'Last Resort'. Over at the Red Bull stage, Attack! Attack! (GGG½) rip it up with their vivacious pop-punk. Back on the main stage, it's time for Download Festival 2009 closers Def Leppard (GGGG½). For a band whose heyday was in the eighties, it's quite hard to see if it's died out at all since then. The answer I draw from the audience's reaction is, apparently, a big fat 'no'. Drawing from their last Donington appearance - Monsters Of Rock, their first performance since drummer Rick Allen's amputation of his left arm - it turns into a rather spiritual show, massive hits like 'Animal' and 'Let's Get Rocked' get an even bigger reception. Hair metal should rightfully die out, but I do have to say: this is great stuff.